The Black Keys - Secret Show - May 15, 2010

 

If there's one thing to say, it's that I've never had this much fun in a car dealership. Sure, the one my parents dragged me to when I was a tot for hours on end to do whatever negotiation-contract-discussion adults do in that glass-walled office fed us popcorn and ice cream and other carnival treats, but even sweets can't distract from the fact that car dealerships are the most boring place in the world — second only to Home Depot — if your age is still in the single digits and you spend your weekend mornings watching Doug Funnie. But when you're almost three times older and listening to a live show instead of a stranger listing factoids about a Jeep, it's a vast improvement.

If there are two things to say, it would be that, as part of the event sponsorship by KIN, there was a surprisingly entrancing slideshow of Brooklyn-y twenty-somethings having fun projected on a loop onto the walls, running through the street and open-mouth laughing over their beers and hanging out of car windows and doing whatever people our age "do". Only thing is, people never have that much fun, unless they look like models. But, when we skipped out at the end to head to hear a DJ set at a nearby hotel, bouncing across Houston with the giddiness of the open bar and a fantastic show still lingering, I couldn't help but feel like we were in a video about the night itself - six twenty-somethings, running around, checking out a one-time-only performance and jetting off to another gig before the night was through. We may not have had the wide-eyed smiles of lanky beauties, but we did almost get hit by a couple of cars from accidentally wandering into the lanes of the Hudson Tunnel, which is more adventure than I see on most nights.

If there are three things to say, it would be that Dan Auerbach trimmed his beard, and my heart broke.*

*These two things may or may not be related.

Existential Crisis #1

How am I going to stand next to Donald's beard at The Black Keys tonight while ogling Dan Auerbach's beard? Do I pretend that I don't notice its lushness? Ignore its wonderous birdnest-like qualities and look away? Will that make it more obvious? The ogling? Is ogling obvious if a girl does it? If you have to stare at a band at a concert anyway, can you see the ogling? Does it just become "watching"? Do I say I prefer beards to not be as oddly statuesque as his, that I like them short? No, no, that would be a lie, I shouldn't lie. Lying is always bad. Do you think he drips ice cream in it when he eats ice cream? I wonder if Dan Aurebach eats ice cream. I wonder if he eats vanilla ice cream. Doesn't seem like a strawberry man, I don't think he'd be a chocolate man...yeah, he's a vanilla man. Do you think he's vegan? He's probably vegan. Of course he's vegan! That beard is a vegan beard. But I don't know, that beard tells tales of beer loving and grilling and meaty meat rib pork sausage things and daytime drinking with meat sandwiches so maybe he loves a steak once in a while? Or maybe he just chomps on carrots whole because he feels closer to the ground, to nature that way? I wonder if he'll eat a carrot whole at the show tonight. Dan Rabbitbach. Hmm. Nice ring to it.